Silly Commentary On Toilets

I've seen a lot of different varieties of toilets while traveling the last 10 months. I've taken a few varieties of poops too, but that's a different story. This is the story of different types of toilets... it's definitely not the story of poops.  Are we done with the poopy talk? Yup. Okay? Okay... poop face. I heard that. 

Let me apologize beforehand, but this will read like a silly kids book:

Most of the toilets I've encountered are northern hemisphere toilets. They flush counter-clockwise. Recently, being in the southern hemisphere, toilets flush clockwise. When I crossed the equator I wanted to check this and I swear on my life the water just went straight down.

Most toilets seem to be made of a ceramic material. In Mongolia, toilets are made by placing wooden planks across a stinky hole (technically, the stink comes after) -- but the views are to die for.

Most toilets have flush handles that are pulled down. Some are pulled up. The latter always trick me for a second, and I get a little worried that there's a problem.

Sometimes the lever is on the side, sometimes it is on top.

Some toilets have high efficiency flushing, meaning low water consumption. Some toilets have flush efficiency options depending on whether the contents are number 1 or number 2.

About half the toilets in Asia are sit on top toilets. About half are squat toilets. People that don't know to squat often call them "long drop" toilets. That's gross if you think about it any more than what I've written.

The rare Reverse-O toilet -- on the verge of extinction, I reckon, for their hazardous nature -- is one with the hole in the front, while in the back is a lipped shelf to catch the poop. Water enters from the very back top. Sometimes I worry that if the toilet flushes violently, the poop will launch out using the lip as a ramp. Do you think scientists test those things out in toilet laboratories? I hope so.

A Reverse-O Toilet. 

Some toilets can handle toilet paper. Most Asian countries want the user to put the toilet paper in the waste bin provided. Sometimes I don't care. So far, this has never led to an embarrassing situation.

Most toilets are white. Sometimes I see maroon and then yellow or pink. I have never seen a brown toilet. How would one know if it was clogged? I also have never seen a completely clear glass toilet, and maybe I don't ever want to. My secret.

In Thailand, many toilets only have spray hose bidet thingies. In the rest of Asia, many toilet do not have such devices.  Some just have a bucket of water and a left hand. One learns very early to carry spare toilet paper around at all times.

Some urinals have mothballs in them, I think to repel mosquitoes. Some urinals have ice in them. Ever think that peeing is better when you pee on ice or snow? I have.

Some toilets don't flush well, and the handle needs to be held down the whole time or jiggled. Every once in a while, a toilet flushes very very violently and loudly, like a jet engine. Who or what are these designed to flush? Tip: Press quickly, then plug your ears and run.

Some toilets flush down through a pipe. Toilets on trains go straight onto the tracks. That fact has significantly diminished the sense of adventure I used to hold for walking down the middle of the train tracks.

In Japan, I hear they make really great toilets. Heated, self-cleaning (you and toilet), and hands-free. These toilets are expensive (6,000USD+), so I don't think I'll ever own one, but I want to try one before I die. I have lofty goals in life, what can I say.

And that is my story of poops, I mean toilets.