Ozzie Lingo

After two and half months in Perth, I think I've observed enough of the local lingo to tell you my opinion of it. I'm not a fan. I guess that shouldn't be surprising: Australian lingo is the degeneration of the English language by Irish, Scottish, and British convicts starting some 300 years ago. In that time span, the colonists on this hot rock developed a handful of colorful idioms, disguised some cockney rhyming slang, started rounding off their R's, added rising inflections at the end of sentences, and started abbreviating/nicknaming anything longer than one letter.

One of the most annoying things in adapting to the local language is using the British spellings of words. (Listen up British English-language speaking countries, American's have made an improvement here. Fall in line). One of the most annoying spellings is the word "enrol" with only one L. It looks more like the name of a Greek god than a word in the English language. I petition (to who, I don't know) that anyone who enrols in anything be shot in the face with a paintball gun -- that should quickly change the behavior of people willfully spelling like idiots (or wilfully spelling like idiots). 

I guess the spelling pisses me off the most because I was already a terrible speller long before I immersed myself in a culture that breaks half the rules and words I've memorized as a child. I'll probably never be confident in my spelling ever again. Here are some other mis-spelling examples, British on the left and American on the right:

1. Traveller or Traveler
2. Signalling or Signaling 
3. Enquire or Inquire
4. Sceptic or Skeptic
5. Analyse or Analyze 
6. Jewellery or Jewelry
7. Programme or Program
8. Aluminium or Aluminum
9. Cosy or Cozy
10. Grey or Gray

If you are trying to fit in, then here are some substitutions you can use in your daily life. But really, who wants to fit in with these bogans?

1. Use 'whilst' instead of 'while'. I presume this word was adopted so that even if your accent sounds stupid, you can still use smart words. 
2. Use 'keen' for 'interested'. 
3. Use 'reckon' for 'think', especially when you are seeking approval from someone. 
4. Use 'my shout' for 'my turn to pay for drinks'. Okay, definitely points for brevity, but 'shout'? What are you shouting at, the bartender? Based on a few real-life observations of Australians in their natural habitat, then yes, because said person is drunk twice-over and its not yet noon.
5. Use 'heaps' for 'a lot'. This is the classic Aussie adjective. If you're trying to mimic an Aussie, this should be the first word you add to your repertoire.
6. Use "ute" (said 'yute') for "truck", as in utility truck. 
7. Use 'till' for 'cash register'. 
8. Use 'serviette' for 'napkin'.
9. Use 'bottle shop' for 'liquor store'.
10. Use 'chemist' for 'pharmacy'.
11. Use 'servo' for 'gas station'.
12. Use 'Mackers' for 'MacDonalds', but it's said more like "Maccas". 
13. Use 'Ta' as an informal 'Thanks'.
14. Use 'Tucker' for 'food'. As in, "Grab some tucker at Mackers". 
15. Ask 'How ya going?' instead of 'How are you doing?'
16. Warning, NC 17 material here: Use 'arse' for 'ass, and 'bloody' for 'fuck'. 
17. NCinfinity material: Australians use the word 'cunt' way more casually than other English speaking countries. Two friends (i.e. 'mates') might even refer to each other affectionately using that word, as in "He's a real good cunt." It can be a little jarring at first because, in America, you just don't say that word in public, and even in private you need a good reason. 

Now that you got the lexicon down, assuming you're practicing (maybe you're a n-th generation convict too and keen to befriend some like-minded company), then its time it work on the accent. If you really want to sound Australian, throw together a sentence with a bunch of R-controlled vowels and then round off all those R's. Tack on a few extra vowels here and there too, just to be silly; or hack off a few consonants, just because you can. For example, if you want to say, "It's a nice day for a walk in the park", an Aussie might phonetically say, "It's a noice day for a wok in the paak, eyh?" That last "eyh" bit there is sort of pronounced like the Canadian "eh" (speaking of sounding stupid), but the Aussie version is more of a middle-mouthed "eye", as opposed to the back of the throat "eh". Also, if you ask someone if they are "Aussie", make sure you say it "Ozzie" -- if you say the "au" like a hyper-pronunciation of "ou" in "out", or say the "ss" as S in Snake, you are likely to get whacked in the head with a didgeridoo. 

Now for some idioms:

1. My favorite is "Bob's your uncle", which is like saying, "There you have it."
2. "Fair dinkum" is an adjective that means 'genuine' or 'true'. 
3. Say "bloody oath" if you strongly agree with someone. 
4. A "Dag" might be someone who doesn't fit in socially (as in faux pas) or someone from the fringes of society (nerds, geeks, self-absorbed scientists). The word can be turned into an adjective with "daggy", as in "daggy clothing". I was called a dag once, right to my face, and it didn't hurt my feelings because I didn't know what it meant. But then I made the stupid decision to ask what it meant, and received in a long-winded, ego-crushing explanation. Sigh. 
5. Although not truly an idiom, if an Aussie disagrees with someone, they use an affirmative-negative tag of "Yeah, nah."

To polish off the act, you'll need to start abbreviating and nicknaming things. However, it's acceptable to abbreviate a word and then add a suffix, like an -o or a -y, even if it results in a word with the same amount of syllables as the original word. For example, one of my travel friends, Hollywood, didn't even skip a beat when I told him my name was Adam. He immediately started calling me Ads, and the next minute he had created a new iteration: Ads-y. I was totally thrown off by how quickly he had given me a nickname. I think he could see the consternation on my face, and then asked me if it was okay for him to call me that. (He was the first to explain to me that that is how Australians roll with names).

Some other examples of abbreviations I've picked up (of which some are local to Perth):

1. 'Avro' for 'Afternoon'
2. 'Rotto' for 'Rottsnest Island'
3. 'HJ's' for "Hungry Jack's", Australia's name for Burger King (it was previously trademarked). 
4. 'Cott' for 'Cottesloe' or 'Peppy' for 'Peppermint Grove'; the names of the suburb where I live.  
5. 'Didg' for 'Didgeridoo'
6. 'Sess' for 'Session', referring to Perth's "Sunday (drinking) Sessions" at the pub. 

So if you are trying to pick up Aussie lingo, study this blog post a little and, bam!, Bob's your uncle. You'll be talking like a fair-dinkum Ozzie in no time. 

(To be honest, I don't harbor any ill sentiment for the Australian accent. Sometime it sounds just as silly and stupid as people from South Boston or Staten Island in the USA. However, after more than a year of Brits, Aussies, and Canadians telling me how stupid Americans sound, this is fair game).